Comments on: Breakfast Serial .08: Eighth of an Ounce

By: kink

kink — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:24:48 +0000

I was worried it was painfully long.

Thanks for assuaging my fears!

By: Jac

Jac — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:05:28 +0000

You have broken my heart, sir.

DeathGrip’s origin is painfully brilliant.

By: kink

kink — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:56:03 +0000

I had a cliffhanger planned for the end of the ish, but I decided to move it to early in the next installment because this one was running long.

Probably the wrong call on my part, since I’ve got some juggling to do to make #9 work now. But, we’ll see how it goes.

By: H.H. Neville

H.H. Neville — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:51:44 +0000

Some really amazing lines in here:

Battleball/Syphilis and Glue/Lame horse…well done.

Cortex was especially enjoyable in this first scene with Wireframe. He’s gone from petty, to realising he was and trying to paint himself the loose cannon on a team of teens who would all probably grab at that title themselves. Loved it.

Loved that Wireframe really seemed to be putting the moves on him, too.

Woo, a reference to a creation of mine, relegated to staying in my mind! I do like the Chinas. I should do something with them.

You said the end was an info dump, and it was, but it was done cleverly. This is a game I would totally see superpowered teens playing. It is all a little bit heavy and could probably use a breakup here and there, or something more of a cliffhanger? Maybe?

By: Serial Prizes » Blog Archive » Breakfast Serial x.08

Serial Prizes » Blog Archive » Breakfast Serial x.08 — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 21:52:36 +0000

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